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Japanese Wabi-Sabi, and Why You're Falling Together, not Apart.


Wabi-sabi style interior

Looking back at everything I've been through in life, sometimes I wish for nothing more than the power to time travel. I would love to just go back and slap some sense into myself. I remind myself of all the foolish mistakes that could have been avoided. All the opportunities I missed out on. Oh, and all the people who came into my life just to leave it. If you guys have experienced this at any point, you know how dreadful it can be.

You might think about an ex that did you wrong, or sweet memories with a friend that no longer wants anything to do with you. You might think about warm summer days in your childhood, back when you were still carefree and naive. 

Or, conversely, you could be thinking "too much" about a negative event going on in your life right now.

And that's okay. Too often, we tell ourselves that going through negative events in our lives is a surefire sign that our lives are "falling apart". We tend to buy into the idea that our lives must be 100% positive at all times in order for us to be happy. But if we look at life in such a way, we are bound to be unhappy. Why? Because life is too rich and complex to always be positive. If we deny ourselves the ability to feel vulnerability and sadness, we strip away a fundamental layer of reality in our lives. We become disconnected from it. Not only that, when we forbid these feelings, we give them way too much power over us. I find that the bottling up of any emotions often leads to an overflow later on.

Plus, where would we be if our lives were perfect? You've been through so much in your life; without the experiences you've endured, you wouldn't be who you are now. If you're rolling your eyes and telling yourself that you hate your own guts, take a minute to appreciate what you've gone through. Your presence in this life is a testament to your resiliency and strength. You, my friend, are a walking, talking tower of power and brilliance. You're beautiful.
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Speaking of beautiful, I'm sure by now you've heard the story of the Japanese filling cracks in their pottery with gold and silver. How this process enabled pottery to became more valuable the more it broke. What you probably don't know is that it originates in the Japanese philosophy of "wabi-sabi", which centers around the appreciation of imperfections.

Around since the 15th century, wabi-sabi celebrates the acceptance of life in its true form, with all its growth, cracks and impermanence. We can apply this wonderful way of thinking to the way we live our lives every day. If we embrace the negative and the lessons it taught us, we stop giving it power. Instead, we give ourselves the power to reframe whatever comes our way so it can't pull us down! Instead of viewing ourselves as falling apart due to the presence of negativity, we can view it as our life falling together to shape us into better versions of ourselves, imperfections included. :)



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My Relationship with Mental Health

          I never thought I’d start writing on my blog with such a dark introductory post. I initially thought about writing a post about fashion, food, or the passions that inspired me to start it in the first place. It would’ve been a more optimistic note to start on, that's for sure. But I realized can’t have a website that talks about my life without addressing one of the biggest parts of it—my relationship with my mental health. If you noticed the website's slogan ("Chase Your Stars"), I'll be talking a bit about that, too and discussing what it means to me.

          From a very young age, I struggled to find my place in the world. My parents once told me that when I was a little girl, I was quite the extrovert. I was always trying to talk to people, joking around with and getting inquisitive with them, and that made me happy. Unfortunately, that life is something I barely remember. The memories associated my childhood now are those of consistent wrestling with my sense of self-worth.

          Whereas most people love the holiday season, it holds bittersweet memories of battling intense darkness within myself. It holds memories of a younger me, crying into my pillow and wondering why it was so difficult for me to be happy or make friends. It holds memories of me, nitpicking every part of myself, wondering why I couldn't be like everyone else; just wondering when I would be less ugly, less stupid, less worthless. I wondered if I even deserved to be living at all.

          Coming from an environment where I was very isolated from peers, I found myself struggling when it came to forming friendships. For the majority of my elementary and high school career, I failed to find myself, and I failed to find the things that made life worth living. If I had to describe it, it felt like walking through pitch black; everything around me was dark and uncertain. Life itself made me afraid. This fear was there when I woke up. It was there when I went to sleep. It was there when I was in class. It was there when I was with my friends.

          To make matters worse, I felt like no one understood me because no one would voice these feelings as well. I was completely alone, and every time I woke up in the morning, I felt as though I was just going through another pointless cycle.

Then came the light.

           It came in the form of my baby brother, the friends that I made throughout the years, through coping mechanisms I learned to deal with my emotions. It was not a sudden process, that's for sure. It was a continuous long, hard look at my life and the things that made it worth living. I realized that, throughout my time living in the dark, I completely neglected the beautiful stars trying to light up my life. My love of writing, my love of drawing and my wonderful friends and family, were all beautiful things that cast their beautiful light into the dark parts of my life. And then it hit me. Human experiences are funny in the sense that they are often shared; there's little that one person has experienced that another hasn't felt somewhere, some way, in some other time. See, I know I'm not alone in getting lost in grief. It's a fundamental part of life; there is no happiness without pain. The problem comes when the pain is so dark that we forget the presence of the light in our lives. When I was fighting my darkness, I failed to see the beauty in my life already. I shut everything out and everything seemed worthless. When we face the dark, it tends to overtake us; we tend to get absorbed in it pretty quickly, and I was just another example of that. 

           But I just want to remind you of what I learned; you are not your darkness. There are stars around you, like there are stars inside of you, that fight back against the darkness each and every single day. You are proof of that in yourself; the fact that you are still here despite all your struggles and all your grief is a sign that your stars are burning (however faint they may be) and fill you with so much strength. You have so much to live for, so much to still see and experience. Like the night sky, your life is filled with countless stars that you still have to discover—it's an infinite chasm of wonderful light, just waiting for you to explore. My blog is a fun place for me to talk about things I like; fashion, makeup, food and travel, but it's also a platform that I've wanted for a long time. A platform to discuss mental health and remind you to chase the things that make life just a little happier, the things that truly make life worth living.
Because while grief is universal, happiness is not. The things that make you happy, that touch your soul, are yours and yours alone. That's what sets you apart from everyone else. The things that touch your heart are the stars to your heart's universe, decorating the night sky of your life with their light. This blog is a reminder to never stop chasing those stars, for you and me both. After all, that's what makes life worth living.

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What is Son and Stars?

Son and Stars is the personal website of Sonia Singh, a New York-born Taurean with a zest for food, fashion, travel, makeup and mental health. The name of the website, Son and Stars, comes from the combination of her name (SONia), and a personal mantra that she follows religiously— “The world is like a night sky. Although it can get very dark, there are always stars to make it bright.” To her, “chasing” these stars is the foundation of finding happiness and becoming your very best self—whether your stars are dreams, loved ones, family members, friends, or places! (Also, it’s a fun twist on a Game of Thrones quote. Ironically, she's never watched it despite all the requests she's been bombarded with. Oops.)



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